понедельник, 25 августа 2008 г.

четверг, 14 августа 2008 г.

Small point.................

I was lying on the bed under ultrasound… The doctor moving with his instrument across my belly said that I was still pregnant. Still pregnant…with period of 5 weeks, embryo with 6mm long in diagonal… but with a threat of miscarriage. I felt very strange. The doctor was straight, said that I had two options; abortion or go to the hospital to preserve pregnancy.
She asked me if the baby was desired, and whether we want to preserve him. My answer was “Of course YES”.
“Of courser YES” but… but… what about my work… I had just started working… we had so many expenses because of me… and I didn’t even receive my first salary… At that moment, I don’t know why but I asked the doctor one very silly question “Won’t it go away of its own in case we fail to preserve it?” The doctor said No.
To my husband doctor showed a picture taken under ultrasound. The picture of our embryo. The doctor called it a “small point” :). After explaining the situation and my condition, the doctor proposed to call an ambulance and send me to the hospital right now.
That night my husband slept alone on our bed and I was lying in hospital bed… but I was not alone… :) I had my “small point” inside me :)…

Glimpse of hope……………

The next day I was at work, upset and moody. All my thoughts were about of what had been happening and happened to me since 31st of July and ten days earlier to that. Unable to work I started to wander in the Internet and seek for cases of other women similar to mine. Fortunately I came across with the forum where many different women were discussing about menstruations while pregnancy.I started reading the forum and through the time small glimpses of hope began to appear... I didn’t have that secretion since yesterday… It certainly gave me a hope and I asked my husband to read it too. He also regained hope, but this time both of us were keeping quite and just decided to undergo ultrasound as soon as possible.

Red secretion……....

On 4 th of August I was at work. The time was crawling down to the end of working day and I went to the lady’s room. It was quite an ordinary day but what I saw then shocked me hard. For a moment a cold stream of wave passed all over my body...
It was a red secretion, just like a blood at menstruation period. I didn’t know what to do, what to think of... I was really confused...
All the way home the feeling of perplexity and confusion was not abandoning me. Various thoughts were coming and going out of my mind. I thought maybe I wasn’t pregnant at all and the delay was just because of the shift in climate. But how could that be? I had almost all the symptoms of pregnancy…but anyway…
What had happened to me also puzzled my husband. He seemed to be confused and upset more than I was. I didn’t know what to say, how to explain him…
That day I phoned my parents and told them everything. They were upset too...

Two stripes……………………

On 31 of July 2008 we (me and my husband) learned that I was pregnant :) We were suspecting that I am, I had almost all the symptoms of pregnancy and it was already 10 days delay of menstruations’ period (first day of my last menstruation was 20th June). We were a little bit anxious. To tell the truth we weren't really planning this baby. I had just graduated and just started working and were in foreign country. I had been searching for this job for almost a month and agreed to work even illegally, that means without any medical and social insurances. We knew that planning a baby at the moment is not only inconvenient but also not secure. But I already was. Deep inside myself I was happy. Really happy. I was dreaming of this baby :) Of a boy baby:) Who would look just like my husband! I love my husband very much. I go crazy of his eyes, his lips and nose and everything he possesses. I wanted my son to go after him. Most of the time when I close my eyes I would see my little lovely son, so sweet and so look like my sweet husband. :) Sometimes I was just sitting and going over all the male Muslim names starting with "A" in my mind. I have heard that people whose name starts with letter "A" generally are leaders throughout their lives. So I wanted my little boy to be smart, clever, healthy and to be a leader. I had versions like Amir, Arthur, Adil and etc :) When I asked my husband for his offer he proposed "Aizenshpik". Really lovely name indeed :) (The name should have not only started with “A” but in history or at present there should have been a great person carrying this name).
So I was pregnant and in spite of everything we were happy. I was really happy that my husband was happy too :). He didn’t speak much but he was smiling… Smiling like a baby :). He even decided to keep the tester, the tester that showed two red stripes indicating my pregnancy. It was really sweet of him doing so :). He is unusual person :)
So we decided that we really wanted and want this baby. Want him more than anything in our lives ….